Without You is How I Disappear
by TheRumor15
Summary: Dez can tell when he's not wanted. After all, Austin had Ally now. He didn't need Dez anymore.


Dez could be called a lot of things, but unobservant was not one of them. He'd recognized when his best friend was headed for big things, perhaps even before Austin did. Dez was a lot of things, but happy wasn't one of them, because he also noticed that as soon as Ally and Trish came into their lives, everything changed. They weren't AustinandDez anymore. They were barely Austin and Dez anymore. It was AustinandAlly and maybe Trish, but rarely Dez.

And that hurt. Because Dez and Austin were supposed to be best friends _forever. _That was the deal. No one was supposed to come between them, _especially_ not a girl. But it happened. Austin was always with Ally, and sometimes Dez was lucky to even make eye contact with him.

What hurt the most was the way that Ally just had to look at Austin or talk to Austin or touch Austin and suddenly, Dez wasn't there anymore. Trish would always weasel her way into their reality, because she refused to be forgotten- Something Dez could only wish he had the courage to do. But he knew that he wouldn't, because above all, Dez only wanted Austin to be happy. That was how it was ever since day one. But now, Austin seemed the happiest when Dez wasn't around, so if that was how he wanted it, then Dez would leave. Because Austin always came first.

_linelineline_

Dez didn't sleep the night before. He _couldn't_. All he could concentrate on in the darkness of his room was the way he felt like his heart was breaking more and more with every breath he took. Dez wasn't himself when Austin wasn't with him. But the hollow feeling inside of him was how he was going to feel from now on. That was the new Dez. Because Austin didn't want him anymore.

Dez pulled on his white and blue checkered pants and his orange shirt. He took one look in the mirror, and if he had the energy, he would have winced at his reflection. He looked pale, and there were dark bags underneath his eyes, but it was the devastated look in his eyes that really got him. He tried to smile in the mirror, but he only managed a grimace. He shook his head slightly and took a deep breath. This was the new Dez. The Dez that nobody wanted.

Dez walked into school, frowning when he noticed Austin waiting at his locker.

"Hey, buddy!" Austin greeted him cheerfully, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Dez remained silent, grabbing his books for his English class, and shrugged Austin's hand off of him. "Dez?" Austin tried again. This time he sounded worried. Dez closed his eyes briefly to push away the urge to talk to Austin, knowing that it would only hurt more the next time that-

"Hey, Austin!" Ally's cheerful voice sailed through the air.

"Hey, Ally!" Austin replied with the same amount of enthusiasm.

Dez rolled his eyes. He hadn't even talked to Austin and it still hurt just as badly. Even when something was clearly wrong, Austin couldn't stay away from his new BFF, Ally, long enough to care.

_linelineline_

Dez barely paid attention in his English class. He was too busy staring ahead of him, at the mop of blond hair sitting in front of him, wondering what he had done to make Austin not want him anymore. _Was it because he wasn't musical? Or was it because he-_

"Dez!" The teacher called on him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"I-I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?"

"The definition of _heartbreaking_. What is it?" Dez was sure that he'd winced visibly at that point in time. He took a deep breath, looking straight at Austin once again.

"Heartbreaking. An adjective that means causing intense anguish or sorrow." Dez answered softly, his voice cracking on the last word. He felt when Austin had turned and looked at him worriedly, but he refused to look up.

_linelineline_

As soon as the bell rang, Dez got up and sped out of the classroom. He felt like he'd been slowly suffocating with each minute that went by after he'd answered the question in class.

"Dez!" he heard Austin calling his name. Dez tried to walk faster, but his exhaustion from not sleeping the night before was beginning to catch up with him. "Dez!" Austin called again.

Dez stopped at his locker and tried to exchange his books as fast as he could. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough, because when he closed the door, he found Austin waiting on the other side of it. Dez looked at Austin for a moment, one half of him silently pleading for him to leave, and the other half pleading for him to notice that something was wrong. After a few more moments of silence, Dez turned and started walking to his next class.

Austin quickly reached out and turned him around again. "Dez..." He said softly.

Dez clenched his jaw as soon as he saw Ally coming. Without thinking, he opened his locker, threw his books back in, and, without another look at Austin, Dez ran out of school and back home. He couldn't be the new Dez. He couldn't be Dez at _all_.

When Dez got to his room, he slammed the door shut and collapsed into sobs against it. He didn't know what to do anymore. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Austin again, but every time, Ally kept coming back, and Dez stopped mattering to Austin. Dez drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head there, and just cried.

_linelineline_

Austin knew that there was something wrong with his best friend the minute that he ignored him at his locker. After that, the warning signs didn't stop coming. When Dez got choked up answering a question in English class, Austin knew that he couldn't ignore this any longer. He caught up to his friend at his locker, but when he finally had his attention, he didn't knew what to say. Austin wasn't good at confrontations. Not with Dez. Because Dez was always smiling and pulling random things out of his backpack and making Austin laugh. But as Austin watched Dez run away, he could barely recognize him.

Austin quickly put Dez's books in his locker, and started after him.

"Austin!" Ally called. Austin stopped and turned to her.

"Not now, Ally." Austin panted before bursting out of the school doors and tearing down the streets until he got to Dez's house. He didn't know what was going on with his best friend, but he was determined to find out and make it better.

When Austin opened the door, he heard cries coming from up the stairs. Austin could identify them right away. _Dez._ Austin raced up the stairs and tried to open the door, only to feel a weight on the other side. _Dez is against the door,_ Austin thought to himself.

"Dez, open the door!" Austin yelled. He could hear cries still coming from the other side of the door, except they seemed to get worse after he spoke. "Dez, I'm serious!" Austin tried again. After no response, Austin frowned, knowing there was a risk of hurting his friend, but pushed the door open. He saw when Dez rolled into the middle of the room. Austin closed the door again and slowly approached him.

Dez curled up into a ball, feeling like he had lost.

"G-go aw-away" Dez choked out.

Austin frowned. Everything about this picture was wrong. Dez wasn't supposed to be crying, and he definitely wasn't supposed to be scared of him. Austin knelt down next to Dez.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

"Wh-why do you care all of a sudden?" Dez asked. Austin felt his heart drop. _All of a sudden?_

"What do you mean, Dez? I've always cared." Austin said, wrapping his arms around Dez and helping him up. Dez quickly shook out of Austin's arms.

"You have a funny way of showing it." Dez all but spat at Austin.

"What are you talking about?" Austin asked.

Dez rolled his eyes. _Of course_ he didn't notice.

"Why don't you just go back to Ally? We both know that's where you'd rather be." Dez started strong, but ended his sentence with a whimper.

"Is that what this is about? Ally?" Austin's eyes widened.

Dez remained silent. Even though Austin was right in front of him, Dez couldn't be honest. Because Austin was happier without him.

"We both know that you're happier with her... Without me. So go ahead, and I'll just... Try to deal with it. And if I can't, then I guess that's okay too, because you'll finally be getting what you want." Dez answered.

"Getting what I want?" Austin asked. "What do I want, Dez?"

"For me to be gone." Dez whimpered.

Austin shook his head frantically. "No! I don't want that! I've never wanted that and I never will want that! Who gave you that idea?!" Austin's breath hitched in his throat as soon as Dez answered,

"You." Austin couldn't believe his ears. He'd _never_ want his best friend gone. "You made it pretty obvious because all you do is hang out with Ally now. I _know_ that you have your singing career, but... You didn't have to replace me, Austin. I only want what's best for you, and I'm sorry if that somehow messed everything up, but you could have just told me instead of making me watch my best friend slip away."

"Dez, I..." Austin trailed off. He thought of how much time he spent with Ally instead of Dez and he frowned. For a best friend, he was doing an awful job. He made them promise that no one would ever come between them, yet he was the one who let it happen. "I'm so sorry," Austin choked out, looking up at Dez. "I didn't realize that I was hurting you so much. I'm so _so_ sorry." He ran up to Dez and pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tightly as he repeated his apology.

Dez felt like a weight had lifted off of his shoulders. Austin _didn't_ want him gone. He wrapped his arms around his best friend and held him just as tightly as Austin was holding him. "I forgive you."

Austin pulled back, keeping a hand on the back of Dez's neck with his thumb behind his ear.

"Don't ever think that I want you anywhere other than right beside me. I need you, Dez. Sure, Ally writes my songs and Trish books gigs, but they aren't _you_." Austin said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Dez smiled and brought Austin back into a hug, seeing and feeling that he was sorry, and really wanted him there.

Dez was a lot of things, and happy was one of them.


End file.
